Tired and Scarred
by CrazyAssFangirl
Summary: Nagisa is tired. Tired of life, tired of the constant abuse he goes through at home, tired of trying to pretend like he's alright, and tired of going to an all-girls high school. So when the death of a classmate reaches his ears, he almost completely shuts down. This is a one-shot, and I had two different ideas for how it could end, but I went with the kinder ending.


Nagisa's P.o.V

I was tired. I was tired of the constant abuse that came froom my mother, I was tired of my father barely ever seeing me, I was tired of the constant bullying from the kids on the main campus. I was tired of everything, really. I knew that I had Karma, Kayano, and the rest of E class for support, but I didn't want to burden them with my problems, so each day I slipped deeper and deeper into the darkness, but I didn't mind. Because the darkness numbed my pain. Self-inflicted scars lay all over my body, I wore my winter uniform all the time, and nobody questioned it. I acted completely normal in class, coming up with assassination plans, occasionally fighting Karasuma, and hanging out with Karma.

Months past, and now the kids in E class had all split up, and while I maintained contact with them all through Ritsu, it wasn't the same. My mother was making me attend an all-girls school, and hadn't believed me when I told her about my depression. The abuse got worse after that, and my body became more and more scarred. My mother forced me to wear the proper uniforms for the proper seasons, so I used concealor to hide the scars. Nakamura and Okuda went to the same high school as me, so I wasn't completely alone, I guess.

When Terasaka died in a bike crash with his dad, my depression got even worse. I never left my bedroom except for school, meals, and using the bathroom. I cried myself to sleep every night, and my body was so bruised from the constant abuse that it hurt to breath, much less move. By this point, I didn't even bother trying to hide how broken I was, and with each passing day, I grew farther and farther away from my friends. I was bullied by the other girls at the school, but it was just verbal. Even f it was physical, I had no energy left to defend myself. I wandered aimlessly through the days, feeling lost. I never answered my phone anymore, on the rare occasion someone called or texted me, and then I just stopped going to school. My mother went on more and more business trips, and was almost never home, except when she dropped by to leave barely enough money for me to live on for who knows how long. As long as I didn't answer when she came home, I got away with missing school.

One day, there was a knock on the door, but I lacked the energy to get up and answer it, so I just let them knock. I was curled up in the kitchen with a bottle of wiskey my mother had forgotten about, I was wearing a t-shirt Koro-sensei had made me once, and some basketball shorts. My thighs were bleeding, and I was numb. The knocking came again, and I barely had the energy to call out: "Who is it?" loud enough for the person to hear me

"It's Karma! Nagisa, please open up! We're worried about you. None of us have seen you outside of class in months and Nakamura said you stopped going to school. What's wrong, Nagisa? Please let me in." I sighed, knowing Karma wouldn't leave now that he knew I was in here, so I pushed myself to my feet, tucked the wiskey bottle away for later consumption, and shuffled to the front door. When it opened, I just looked at the ground, waiting for Karma to say something, but instead he hugged me tightly. I stood stiffly, not moving, and when Karma pulled back, he tilted my chin up to get me to look at hm. "Nagisa" He said softly, a rarity for Karma. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I'm just in the same hole I've been in ever since last summer break. The hole is just deeper, now." I looked him in the eye, and I knew he was skocked by the lack of emotion in my eyes, and probably by the slight swaying of my body. He looked at my outfit, the noticed the scars on my arms, and gaped openly. His eyes travelled downward again, towards the blood running dowwn my legs.

"Bullshit." Karma said, walking into my apartment, grabbing my wrist gently so that I would follow him. He walked into the bathroom, forced me to sit on the closed toilet seat, then dug through the cabinets looking for a first aid kit. When he found it, it consisted of just a few band-aids, a little bit of headache medicine, and some guaze. Karma frowned, and I looked down, rubbing my toe along the tile floor. "Where the fuck is everything, Nagisa?"

"It's gone. It was gone a long time ago, Karma. Used up in less than a year." I got up and started to walk towards the door, but Karma grabbed my ankle.

"Oh no you fucking don't. We're getting you cleaned up, even if I have to drag you to the hospital by your hair. I'm not letting you do this to yourself anymore." He whipped out his phone, and started to call someone. "Yeah, hi Nakamura, sorry to bother you in the middle of class. I know, yes, I'm in Nagisa's apartment right now. I need you to get out of school and go buy me like two or three first aid kits worth of supplies. Nagisa's hurt, but his shitty mother never bothered to buy any more disinfectant, band-aids, stuff like that. Also, bring a lot of food. Nagisa looks like he's going to keel over." He listened for a few seconds, then hung up. "Nagisa, why didn't you tell us about this?" He said sadly, grabbing a wrist for a better view of the scars.

"Because I didn't want to burden you guys. Everyone was happy from summer break, and focusing so hard on trying to figure out how to kill Koro-sensei that I felt it wasn't my place to add to the thngs you needed to deal with." I felt tears well up in my eyes for the first time in years. "I can't do this, Karma! I can't keep living like a ghost. I want this to end!" I said, my voice cracking, as I stared at Karma. His eyes widened with shock, but before he could respond, everything went black.

Karma's P.o.V

Nagisa was taken to the hospital after he passed out and didn't wake up, and we were told that he was in a self-induced coma. His body had finally started to shut down after everything it'd been through. There were scars covering his chest, stomach, thighs, legs, arms, and palms. He also had burn scars on his back and chest, there was a shit ton of alcohol in his system, he was dehydrated, was severly underweight, and he had no food in his stomach. He'd been hooked up to a heartmonitor and an IV drip once the doctors had done everything they could for him, and after an hour of sitting by his bedside, his mother ran in, fake tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Why's my baby like this? Who did this to her?!" She yelled and I was disgusted.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I said, venom in every word. She whirled on me.

"You must've done this to her! My baby is a good girl! She'd never do this to herself without outside help!"

"I didn't do this to Nagisa. And for once in your god damn life, listen to people when we say that Nagisa is A GUY! HE DOESN'T HAVE THE FEMALE GENETIC MAKE UP, HE HAS THE FUCKING MALE GENETIC MAKE UP! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD! PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND COME BACK TO REALITY, YOU BITCH!" I yelled, and she took a step backward. "HE'S IN A FUCKING SELF-INDUCED COMA BECAUSE HE HATED HIS LIFE! HE HATED YOUR CONSTANT ABUSE, HE HATED HOW YOU MADE HIM GO TO A FUCKING GIRLS' SCHOOL, HE HATED HOW YOU WERE NEVER THE PARENT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE, AND HE HATED HIS LIFE BECAUSE OF HIS DAD ABADONING HIM! We in E class were probably also part of the problem, but the fact that I'm admitting this, and that the rest of them would do the same means that we're also part of the fucking solution! We're trying to help fix this shit, and you're abandoning him at home to do whatever the fuck he wants, without remorse, just because you're not ready to be a parent! You never have been, and you never will be!"

We had gained the attention of several nurses and many patients and visitors. They stared at Nagisa's mother in horror, and me in sympathy. "Listen, Ms. Shiota, I love your son more than life itself, I would never do this to him!" I said loudly, then regretting it as some women cooed, others blushed, and the rest looking like they wanted to squeal in delight. The few men that were in the hall (The room has a glass window as a wall) looked kind of proud of me. "I know what it's like to not have your family care about you, and it hurts. If you're not going to help Nagisa get better, stay out of my way! If he wants to, he can move into my house. He needs to get better because there are people in the world that actually want, like, and need him in their lives. You can't be convinced to give a rats ass about him, I'm sure of that, so I'm sure you won't mind letting him move away if he wants too. Unless of course, you need him to feel better about yourself." I frowned at her, as she was still glaring at me like I was the problem, not her. "Do you know how long Nakamura, his classmate went without seeing him at school?" She shook her head reluctantly. "Two and a half fucking months. And it's been almost seven months since anyone outside of his school has seen him! And when I got to your apartment, he was alone, bleeding, scarred, drinking, and numb to the world. I-I don't know what happened at home to make him stop fighting, but I know that it must've been pretty fucked up to make Nagisa Shiota, someone who would fight to the bitter end, stop fighting." I was crying by this point, and I never cry. "The last thing he said before passing out was: 'I can't do this! I can't keep living like a ghost. I want this to end!' I also saw him cry for the first time." She stumbled away, then turned and walked out the door, some people glaring at her as she passed, she paid them no mind. Numbly, I walked to Nagisa's bedside, sat down in a chair, and wept into the matress.

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. Every person from E class visited Nagisa almost every day, and Karasuma and Irina, who'd started dating, tried to visit at least once a week. Even Irina's tutor came to visit Nagisa a couple times, but not often. I never left his side except for food and bathroom breaks. Asano would bring me the classwork and the homework, and I would do them in the hospital, hoping that Nagisa would wake up soon. At first, the nurses threw me out at the end of visiting hours, but I always snuck back in through the window. They eventually stopped, and I slept at Nagisa's side.

And then, after five and a half months of hell, several close brushes with death, many sleepless nights, Nagisa groaned quietly. I had been about to fall asleep, but at the sound of the groan, I jerked awake. I stood up as Nagisa opened his eyes, then closed them again from the bright lights. I didn't care though, and I toppled onto the bed next to Nagisa, hugging him close to my body, sobbing into Nagisa's side. "...Karma? Where... Are we?" Nagisa rasped, and the sound of his voice made the tears come even more.

"Never do this, ever again!" I half yelled, half sobbed. "You passed out after my call to Nakamura and when you hadn't woken up by the time she arrived at your apartment, we called an ambulance. You're in the hospital. It's been five and a half months since you fell into a self-induced coma, and it's been horrible." I hugged Nagisa, thanking any higher power that may exist that he was all right.

"Five and a half months? What'd I miss?" He said, and I pulled back to sit on my knees next to him.

"A lot. Asano got a boyfriend, I yelled at your mom, Nakamura and Kayano tracked down your dad to yell at him, Karasuma and Irina started dating, Ritsu downloaded more updates so she has better contact with us, Hayami and Chiba also started dating, Okajima is no longer a perv, Isogai is top of his class at his high school, and some other stuff. Your mom left Japan after leaving everything of yours here in the hospital with me, so I took the stuff to my house. You can stay there as long as you want, or not at all. Your dad got remarried and his wife is pregnant, so I'm sure you could live with your dad." He shook his head, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"I'll stay with you until I can stay with someone else. My dad doesn't need me, he made that very obvious during our last conversation." He smiled weakly, and pulled Nagisa into a hug. This time, he hugged back, breathing deeply. When he pulled back, he looked so adorable, I lost all common sense. I leaned forward, pressing my lips softly against his, and I was about to pull back when Nagisa laced his fingers into my red hair. When we parted, Nagisa grinned at me. "You look like a mess, Karma. When was the last time you slept?"

I shrugged. "Five days ago? Six? I bathed yesterday though, so be thankful about that." He stared at me wide eyed.

"Did you stay here the whole time?"

"Yup." I said, slightly smug. "The nurses gave up on keeping me away from you after the third week of me sneaking into your hospital room to see you." I smiled, and Nagisa leaned forward, kissing me this time. My grin grew, and I could practically _hear_ Nagisa rolling his eyes. "I love you, Nagisa. Please don't leave me." I said softly, after the kiss. He nodded.

"I love you too, Karma." He replied, and the four words I'd wanted to hear since second year of middle school made me so damn happy, it was rediculous.

They released Nagisa from the hospital a few days later, and as Nagisa and I walked out of the hospital hand in hand, we were crowded by all the members of E class (except for Terasaka, but I hated him anyways), Irina, Ritsu, and Karasuma. There were tears, hugs, and celebration at the park near the hospital as we celebrated the return of Nagisa by holding mock assassination fights with the anti-sensei knives that were like a special dance, graceful, beautiful, deadly, and certainly drew a crowd. We drew out the fights, making the crowd gasp and scream. When Nagisa said he wanted to have a turn, I drew my own anti-sensei knife. "Fight me, Nagisa!" I yelled, and he grinned. There was a little of the bloodlust Nagisa contained showing through, but it helped awe the crowd as two different assassins from two different worlds and two different fighting styles fought to see who came out on top. Despite just being released from the hospital, he put up a good fight, and we ended on a mutually decided draw. Walking home that night wasn't lonely like usual because I had Nagisa by my side, holding my hand as we walked side by side, away from the setting sun.


End file.
